Unafraid

1984-2008
I see it clearly.
I've lived through it all completely terrified of committing the act that lingers along... a deep sore that stings with the harsh arrival it perpetuates upon my flesh.
Something came over me the day he died, and I welcomed the world through her eyes...
That fear of not knowing was stripped away from me, and I lay there, cold, hollow, ready, and awake... a sleepless child, fearless.
Sometimes, some children go on without a solid purpose, or a purpose found too late in the game of life.
Her name was Baby Brae, and the child within her, who held such passion and promise towards her endeavors, died 18 years ago along with her father's fun and loving soul.
I remember her, and I remember her well.
Nobody will see the world through her eyes ever again...not even the one whose spirit she resides in today.
I push, she pushed.
I cry, she cried.
I hope, she hoped.
I keep trying, she kept trying as long as he allowed her to...
She reached for the stars, I keep reaching, but the stars move further away...
That hold on my heart, will no longer win me over.
The thought of her, will no longer break me deep inside.
My patience has run out, and for once in my life, I am unafraid.
No matter where I go, those 24 years just shy of 2 months, will always be with me...
Bye Mommy, I am so sorry....
I hate to say goodbye to everything my sight ever blessed me with, but
The days get harder and harder, and my unknown purpose drifts further and further away.
The hours get opaque, dense with difficult memories, and the minutes become transparent, baring my life for the cruel world to see....
I may never fall in love, get married or have children.
I may never graduate, and become an english writer in my own right...
All I know is that I lived to the best of my ability with the cards that were dealt to me...
...and that will always be what was validating enough for me.