I Remember

I remember a place called home, with your chaotic winters, and what a whirlwind of a lost soul you were...and the thing is, I still look back at that precious time, despite my despair, in utter wonder of everything it was.
It is the distinct loss of everything you once encompassed that makes my life quite unbearable.
It is the radiance of the aura you once acquired, which makes waking up something that can wait.
It is the notion that I will never be blessed with the spirit that was once my sweet father, which makes life worth nothing.
It is the pain of missing you immensely, regardless of what you had done to instill such ambivalence within me.
It is and will always be the fact that you once loved me, even if it may not hold true for you anymore.
It is fighting the cancer of my soul, in hopes of one day seeing the man I once had known to be my father, and it is fighting the truth, that there is no hope, and I will never see the real you again.
I will live wishing to have said goodbye to you, and I will die knowing the chance wont ever come. Regardless, I still wish your battered mind some eternal peace.
Farewell to you my father, and everything your spirit once meant to me.
I miss my papa.