Thursday, December 4, 2008

A Life of Love and Deception

Raindrops, intertwined with Serena’s tears, hit the pavement outside the therapist’s office on this sullen November morning. She trails far behind, listening to Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight” on the green iPod her father had given to her for her 16th birthday that September. Her mother, Kelly, and her flavor of the month, John, walk hand in hand, whispering into each other’s ears just a few steps ahead.
“Mom, this is utterly ridiculous! I don’t see any sense in this.”
Kelly sighs under the Chanel umbrella keeping her and John dry, and turns to look at Serena soaking wet,
“Rena, please cooperate with me! I’m not going to deal with your rebellion and unkindness towards me any longer! I’ve done nothing but been a good mother to you! If I can’t get you to treat me with respect, then maybe having you see a shrink will give you an attitude adjustment and open your eyes a bit.”
Serena looks at her mother in disgust. How could a woman who has committed such an act, be in such denial of it all? How can she be compelled to imply that her own daughter is the one who needs psychiatric help?
As they enter the Center for Family Counseling, John opens the door, smiling as Kelly enters. She blows him a kiss in return, and as Serena walks in, John notices her sigh deeply in what seems to be a look of nausea.
In the therapist’s office, the walls are covered with beautiful portraits of young children. As Serena makes her way to a brown rustic armchair, the painting above strikes her fancy. It is of a little girl with beautiful Native American hair, like her own, putting on ballet slippers, and suddenly Serena’s mind slips back into the days when her parents encouraged her to follow her dreams of becoming a Ballerina. She quickly wipes her tears away before her mother catches her letting her guard down. As her mother and John make their way to the red “loveseat” besides her, Dr. Anderson locks the office door, and plops her snobby rear end unto her white recliner.
“So Kelly and John, who is this lovely young woman you have brought in to see me today?”
Serena sighs and rolls her eyes at her mother. Her mother smiles back at her. “This is my beautiful daughter, Serena.”
“Hi Serena, Well, how can I help you today?
“Honestly, this isn’t for me, it’s for my Mother and her home wrecker boyfriend, husband, I don’t know—whatever the hell he is.”
Kelly looks at her, ashamed. “You see Doctor, she has become the absolute opposite of what I raised her to be. She has no respect, none for me, John, or anyone else for that matter.”
As Serena begins to cry, Dr. Anderson hands her a green box of tissues with a picture of a fall harvest drawn upon it. Thanksgiving, the year before, was the last time she saw her parents in a passionate embrace. “Tell me Serena, I understand you’re upset, but why? No one is here to judge, not even your mother.”
Serena looks out the window and wonders if the dark clouds are due to the sky having a heart full of pain. “You want to know what’s going on with me mother. You want to know why I’ve been acting this way. Huh?", Serena feels agitated by her mother’s long silence, slouches as she uncrosses her legs and stomps both feet down, "Well? Do you!!!!!!"
Kelly begins to worry by her daughter’s fit of implicit anger. “Yes, Yes baby, tell me, please.”
Serena sits up straight. “You see Dr. Anderson, I have nothing against my Mother or John; in fact I love John immensely, but not for becoming my mother’s lover.”
“Serena if you’re upset with me, fine, but don’t disrespect John.”
“You’re right Mom. Dr. Anderson, John is a perfect match for my Mother, a grungy musician, and a long-legged Blonde starlet, quite a blissful match. In fact better than his best friend, my father, ever was for her. Will that suffice Mother?”
Kelly looks at her daughter stunned, while the tears roll down Serena’s eyes, and her lips start to quiver, Kelly kindly responds, “Baby, Go on. Speak your piece.”
“I’m … I’m angry and caught up in the mess my mother could have prevented, if only she realized what her and my father really had. She allowed herself to fall out of love, or whatever her reasoning was, but I just don’t understand why? And if it was so necessary, why did she have to cheat with my father’s best friend?” Serena sobs silently, “Why would anyone do such a thing?”
Dr. Anderson hands her a bottle of water, and smiles with empathy for the sweet brokenhearted girl. “I understand that it is not easy to endure hardships like this in one’s life, but your mother may have had a cause unknown to you as to why she decided to act the way she has.”
Serena chuckles, and rolls her eyes. “Dr. Anderson, you do not understand. My life has not been perfect, but it has been more than I could have ever imagined. My parents busted their butts to allow my brother, my little sister and myself to live comfortably with all the finer things in life. They sent us to the best schools, and with my brother getting accepted to USC, they’re willing to pay for his tuition too but he doesn’t want them to, due to everything they’ve done for us. Now tell me, what other kid wouldn’t take Mommy and Daddy’s money whenever it was offered? My parents, my mom and “real” father belong together. The way my mother changed my father for the better, you would never believe she’d leave him in the end.”
Dr. Anderson looks at Kelly, then Serena, and smiles. “Do you love your mother?”
“Of course I do, she was an angel to all of us.”
“How did she change your father’s ways?”
“My father was a straight up narcotic fiend, a crazy addict. She pulled him out of it, never left his side through all his withdrawals and gave him a reason to live, and strive to become the musician he always aspired to be.” Serena looks at John with a look of contempt in her eyes. “If there ever was anything my Papa would give his life for, it was my mother and Johnny. “
Serena gets up and looks out of the window, and Kelly walks up and puts her arms around her and whispers in her ear, “Your father didn’t want me anymore.”
Serena turns around and slaps her mother across the face, and as John runs up to Kelly’s aid, Dr. Anderson looks at Serena with disappointment. “That was uncalled for young lady.”
Serena looks at the three of them. “She has left my father alone, and when he finds someone new the truth is, she won’t compliment him the way my mother did. Whatever my thoughts are on my mother’s relations with John, I’m entitled to them. He is not my stepfather, and never will he be anything of that sort to me. I am my father’s family; his daughter and only his.” Serena reaches into her pocket and feels the vibration of her cell phone. She glances at the screen, and can’t wait to answer it. She looks at Kelly and John, and looks down at their hands locked together. “As far as I am concerned, you both are as dead to me as you are to him.” She looks at Dr. Anderson and shakes her hand, “Well this has been quite enjoyable," she moves on to shake her mother’s hand, " Thank you, for the bullshit ending to a life I valued so very much, Kelly.”
As Serena slams the office door, she answers her father’s call. “Hi Papa.”
Anthony hears the hurt in his angel’s voice, and his voice trembles in wonder of what could have happened. “Rena, what happened? Why do you sound like you’re about to cry?”
Serena gets into the elevator, and standing against the metal railing, lays her head against the cold metal, slowly moving her body into the fetal position, as she sobs.
“Nothing, Papa, It’s just Mom, and John. They felt like playing a game of house, and took me to therapy.”
“You told her you wanted to go?”
“No, she’s just shocked by my intense behavior towards her and her sorry excuse for a boyfriend, and can’t for the life of her understand why. I’m so upset and angry, and I feel so ambivalent towards her for fucking up our family.” Serena grabs a hold of the metal railing, and pounds on the floor with her left fist, continuing to sob violently.
Anthony, driving home from his studio session, stops at a stop sign and pulls over on his way to pick up his little Lacey from Kindergarten. “Baby, please stop. I hate hearing you cry. You have a family, you’ve got Tony, Lace and I, and you know that no matter what happens between your mother and I, she loves you immensely and she always will. She never meant to hurt you.”
As the elevator doors open, Serena walks out of the building and sits on a bench in the pouring rain. “Can I see you, or are you at work?”
“Where are you?”
“I’m at the plaza down the street from Lacey’s school.”
“I was on my way to pick her up, but I’ll be there in five minutes. Wait for me.”
The thought of her father asking her to wait leaves her with a sense of protection. Serena wipes her tears away, with a clear understanding that as long as her father is there to save her from harms way, then nothing else matters. “Thank you, Papa.”



As Anthony starts up the car, and makes a left at the stop sign, heading down to the plaza, Kelly calls him on his cell.
“Where is she, Anthony? What did you tell her to have her act like an ungrateful little bitch?”
“Excuse me??? First off, your daughter walking out on you has nothing to do with me, and how dare you call her an ungrateful little bitch. I won’t disrespect you, and stoop to your level, but-”, he drives up to Serena, waiting at the curb, and lets her in.
“Hi baby”, as he reaches over to kiss her forehead, Kelly gets frustrated on the line.
“What is she doing with you?”
“Excuse me, she’s my kid, and that’s all I’m going to say to you.
“Let me talk to her.”
“Rena, your mom wants to talk to you.”
Serena looks at him, “I don’t want to see her, or speak to her.”
Anthony holds his daughter’s hand, “ Baby, you know I’m on your side no matter what, but she’s your mother.” Serena looks at him, and shakes her head, as her frown manifests into tears, as Kelly becomes impatient over the phone, and angry with him for stealing Serena’s love away from her.
“Anthony, don’t brainwash my kid into hating me.”
Anthony becomes irate, and tries to keep his cool in front of Serena, but finds it difficult. “Kelly, one thing I do not do is point fingers, and push people to hate one another. Rena is upset and tired. This whole situation is killing our kids, so before you judge, please take a minute and re-evaluate the situation, and see who it is that has prompted Rena to act this way.”
Kelly stops silent, as her and John walk to the underground parking lot. John opens the car door for her, and waits till she gets in, and closes the door for her. On the other end, beyond his love for her, Anthony still feels betrayed and extremely broken hearted. “Why baby, why would you do this to me?”
John kisses Kelly on the forehead, and whispers to her that everything will be just fine. “I don’t know, Anthony.”
“You don’t know? You don’t know! Damn it Kelly! I can’t believe you and that asshole! I’m done Kelly; you did yourself in this time. It’s completely over and I’m prepared to fight.”
Serena puts her headphones on hoping to drown out the sounds of her sorrow.
Kelly opens the car window a little and lights up a cigarette. “What’s that supposed to mean? Are you threatening me?”
“No. How quickly you forget. I was the one who loved you and would’ve died for you. Now, how could I ever wish to hurt you, when all I knew was how to protect you? I’m just making sure you know what the deal is.”
Kelly exhales a puff of smoke, as cloudy as the love she once shared with her husband has become, and lets out a laugh fueled with sarcasm, “Which is what?” She turns her speakerphone on so John can hear the conversation.
“Tony is going off to college, so I’m not worried about my boy, but there’s no way in hell that my girls will ever, (his voice begins to shake) ever, live in a house with that asshole you left me for.”
Serena looks over at Anthony, and senses his upset with Kelly.
“Papa, just hang up on her!!!! Please. It kills me to see how she keeps on hurting you. Fuck. I can’t take it anymore!” Serena throws her ipod at the windshield, and buries her head in her hands.
Anthony lifts Serena’s head up, and looks at her, “You are my life, and I don’t want you to hurt when I hurt. I’m going to handle this. I promise that Tony, Lace, You and I will be okay, and I won’t rest until we are. You got me?”
Serena bites her lip, and takes a deep breath in, “Papa, don’t leave me with her.”
“It would be the biggest mistake anyone can ever make, leaving my little girl alone. You have my word, no matter what, your coming with me.” Anthony kisses her head, and hears Kelly harping on the phone, again.
“ Listen Anthony", kelly pauses laughing hysterically "you actually think you’re going to take my girls away from John and I?”
Anthony begins to cry, and simultaneously give in to a fit of rage. “JOHN AND YOU! John and you??? You’ve obviously lost your mind. I’m filing for divorce, and Serena and Lace are coming with me!”
Serena turns on the speakerphone switch button on the sun visor to hear what her mother is saying…
“Over my dead body; after all, Lacey’s begun to call John, daddy.”
The feeling of eternal silence fills Anthony’s soul, as if someone had ripped his heart right out of him, and left it to be trampled upon. Her mouth slightly drops, and she looks at her father’s tears nearly drowning him, as he lies in a comatose state. Serena tugs on her father’s arm, hoping he’d come out of it and talk to her. She takes the phone and hangs up on her mother.
“Papa, she’s trying to get to you. Lacey never calls John anything of that sort. Everyone knows who her papa is, especially her. She calls you daddy, and only you.”

As Kelly looks down at her phone, she sees that he has hung up. She wanders off to the days when Anthony and her first got together 19 years ago, in her mind. The one thing that stays constant is the notion that he was her first love, and he always will be.
John pulls her bangs away from her eyes, and looks at her sincerely, “Sweetheart, are you okay?”
She takes out her compact and fixes her mascara. “Yeah baby. It’s over and done with.”
“Are you okay with that?”
She reaches for John’s right hand and holds it tightly, “He was the only man I ever fell for. I gave him my youth, my dreams, a family, and all the love I held in my heart. These truths make it hard for me to deal with.”
John replies sadly, “Do you still want to be with him?”
“Oh no", she kisses his hand, "Johnny, my love", she states lifting his chin up "I did what I did and I will face the consequences. I love you, and I know Lacey loves you, and that’s all that matters. We’ll be happy, with our own little family. You, me and your real daughter.”
John moves in for the kill, and kisses her unlike she has ever been kissed before. “If you only knew how much I love you." As they share an embrace, Kelly lays her head against his chest and listens to his heartbeat.
“I already know.” Kelly brushes her hand gently down his chest, and stops before she gets carried away. “Come on baby, Let’s go get your little girl from school.”

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