if it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it for money or
fame,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.
if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.
if you’re trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.
if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.
if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you’re not ready.
don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.
when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.
there is no other way.
and there never was.
— Bukowski
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Frusciante
The one who lifts me out of my chronic fatigue.
The one who speaks the truths that my past escaped with.
The one who allows me to defy the logic of this corrupt society.
The one who speaks so eloquently, sensually soft to the soul.
The one with the crazy shine that will never let me die...
Friday, April 16, 2010
Defining "Graduate" To Her Father
It makes little difference how many university courses or degrees a person may own. If he cannot use words to move an idea from one point to another, his education is incomplete.
~Norman Cousins
So think what you want, and say what you feel, but once it happens, you better watch what you say to me.
You got that?
It's because of you that it hasn't come to her, and it's because of you that she has met tall hurdles that hindered her along the way, up until now.
You let her be, and without any support, she has fallen behind....
But, it's now time to walk in front of herself, and no longer behind you, or anyone's success you use to make her feel like a failure.
There's a reason she has been put here to succeed, and with all due respect, it is the words she compiles from within that allow her to pull through your bullshit, and come as far as she has, within the path that she has been led to follow.
Shut your trap, and when the time comes, you better be ready to swallow some words, because its the commencement of selfless endurance and esteem that will lead her to great things, not the lack of love and harsh criticism that you have thrown like curve balls to stop her in her tracks all along.
She is determined to give Mrs. Robinson's young fling a run for his money, and don't you ever doubt her once she does.
You got that?
Good. Now just make sure you never forget it.
2009. It's her time to shine Pop, not everyone elses whom you make her feel thoroughly less than.
It'll happen, be assured.
August 21, 2009...3 months and a day after...I told you so.
~Norman Cousins
So think what you want, and say what you feel, but once it happens, you better watch what you say to me.
You got that?
It's because of you that it hasn't come to her, and it's because of you that she has met tall hurdles that hindered her along the way, up until now.
You let her be, and without any support, she has fallen behind....
But, it's now time to walk in front of herself, and no longer behind you, or anyone's success you use to make her feel like a failure.
There's a reason she has been put here to succeed, and with all due respect, it is the words she compiles from within that allow her to pull through your bullshit, and come as far as she has, within the path that she has been led to follow.
Shut your trap, and when the time comes, you better be ready to swallow some words, because its the commencement of selfless endurance and esteem that will lead her to great things, not the lack of love and harsh criticism that you have thrown like curve balls to stop her in her tracks all along.
She is determined to give Mrs. Robinson's young fling a run for his money, and don't you ever doubt her once she does.
You got that?
Good. Now just make sure you never forget it.
2009. It's her time to shine Pop, not everyone elses whom you make her feel thoroughly less than.
It'll happen, be assured.
August 21, 2009...3 months and a day after...I told you so.
8.10.09
Epiphanies strike all too sudden sometimes, like impending jealousy when you’ve lived your entire life as “the skinny one” without ever becoming prone to weight consciousness. I had a moment tonight where I realized on the ugly 101 heading towards that picturesque town; the city belonging to studios, that my life’s utter sadness does not depend, and has not depended, upon the miniscule contact with a circle of lessened friends that I have acquired throughout the years after I left that hell hole, which kept me captive for four years of my latter adolescence, but that it depends upon the bitter sweetness that defines itself as sheer melancholy and tactless yet entirely consecrated inner loneliness. It’s 12:41 in the morning, and I could have sworn it was 12:17 but two simple minutes ago. Where does the time go? Where has my life gone? I am but twenty-five years old, and I am simply aging away from adulthood and its validity, insidious and tiresome, slipping through some Casanova’s fatherly fingers.
What It Do, Baby Boo?
1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Ghormeh Sabzi, bitches.
2.Where was your profile picture taken? In Pop's victorian-esque looking dining room.
3.Can you play Guitar Hero? Um, can Lars Ulrich play the drums?
4. Name someone who made you laugh today? Perera's sexy ass.(insert giving him an ego boost *here*)
5. What time did you go to bed and why? 1:30 a.m, because Tony Flow was calling in my dreams.
6. If you could move somewhere else, would you? You're talking to Neda here, come on now.
7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? Once, Mr Lee. was his moniker.
8. Which of your friends lives closest to you? Which house? I'm an orphan, remember?
9. Do you believe ex's can be friends? Ask Cool Lenox.
10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper? Gotta love the doctor!
11. When was the last time you cried really hard? Sunday night due to undisclosed information.
12. Who took your profile picture? Pop's big Mac.
13. Who was the last person you took a picture of ? Kiedis baby.
14. Was yesterday better than today? Nope! Going around town on second interviews is no bueno.
15. Can you live a day without TV? Try a year and a half.
16. Are you upset about anything? Tampering with brokeness.
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? Why of course.
18. Are you a bad influence? Me? I don't even know the meaning of the word bad.
19. Night out or night in? either one works.
20. What items could you not go without during the day? a shot of facebook.
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? R.I.P Grandmommy.
2.Where was your profile picture taken? In Pop's victorian-esque looking dining room.
3.Can you play Guitar Hero? Um, can Lars Ulrich play the drums?
4. Name someone who made you laugh today? Perera's sexy ass.(insert giving him an ego boost *here*)
5. What time did you go to bed and why? 1:30 a.m, because Tony Flow was calling in my dreams.
6. If you could move somewhere else, would you? You're talking to Neda here, come on now.
7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? Once, Mr Lee. was his moniker.
8. Which of your friends lives closest to you? Which house? I'm an orphan, remember?
9. Do you believe ex's can be friends? Ask Cool Lenox.
10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper? Gotta love the doctor!
11. When was the last time you cried really hard? Sunday night due to undisclosed information.
12. Who took your profile picture? Pop's big Mac.
13. Who was the last person you took a picture of ? Kiedis baby.
14. Was yesterday better than today? Nope! Going around town on second interviews is no bueno.
15. Can you live a day without TV? Try a year and a half.
16. Are you upset about anything? Tampering with brokeness.
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? Why of course.
18. Are you a bad influence? Me? I don't even know the meaning of the word bad.
19. Night out or night in? either one works.
20. What items could you not go without during the day? a shot of facebook.
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? R.I.P Grandmommy.
Surviving Suddenly
I came across a quote about writing; essentially that it offers society simply nothing if it does not conjure up tears, music or simply a life affirming notion in its process, and it has made me think as I lay in bed after dinner with sweet company tonight, and saying goodbye to lovely Lihi, that my life has already been lived and that no one has the say to state otherwise, unless they feel of my broken, childhood subsistence as it has manifested itself into adulthood.
When I was seventeen, I endured loneliness-prone divorce. My father lived unaware yet like half of a siamese twin, coherent and colorful beside me. I am now twenty-five, and though the lonesome teenager has grown on without me, I still have yet to finalize the disconnect between my parents. Like siamese twins, they lay coherent and colorful beside me, fragile and victimized.
When I met my first love, I was abandoned. When he met me, he was overflowing like my father's Miller Genuine Draft with happiness. Does the end of my forlorn day exist?
Why do resolutions survive like spring's hottest nail polish, and anguished children lay frayed like mother's 25-year-old bellbottoms?
I suppose seventeen will never see twenty-five, and twenty-five will always fall a casualty to it.
Suddenly I have seen, that the secret of living will always play this remembrance of cruel, thus usual punishment upon me, and no one, not even you, can pass judgment upon my dire need to dwell, unless you knew better than me, and as bluntly as I can speak about my emotional state of affairs in life, I can bluntly say that I would agree to put the past to rest if those who have requested that I keep my emotions bottled up, would find it in their right minds to comprehend this bittersweet state of fear that I have been compelled to endure. You don't know shit, until you can honestly say you do. You just do not know, period.
When I was seventeen, I endured loneliness-prone divorce. My father lived unaware yet like half of a siamese twin, coherent and colorful beside me. I am now twenty-five, and though the lonesome teenager has grown on without me, I still have yet to finalize the disconnect between my parents. Like siamese twins, they lay coherent and colorful beside me, fragile and victimized.
When I met my first love, I was abandoned. When he met me, he was overflowing like my father's Miller Genuine Draft with happiness. Does the end of my forlorn day exist?
Why do resolutions survive like spring's hottest nail polish, and anguished children lay frayed like mother's 25-year-old bellbottoms?
I suppose seventeen will never see twenty-five, and twenty-five will always fall a casualty to it.
Suddenly I have seen, that the secret of living will always play this remembrance of cruel, thus usual punishment upon me, and no one, not even you, can pass judgment upon my dire need to dwell, unless you knew better than me, and as bluntly as I can speak about my emotional state of affairs in life, I can bluntly say that I would agree to put the past to rest if those who have requested that I keep my emotions bottled up, would find it in their right minds to comprehend this bittersweet state of fear that I have been compelled to endure. You don't know shit, until you can honestly say you do. You just do not know, period.
I Believe In You
There's no easy way to go about things like this.
I've tried desperately to calm my tears and fears of the future in regards to what will come of it all, but I am simply stuck.
Many words, synonymous with anger and sadness, have rolled off of my tongue only to echo off my bedroom walls to a silent audience.
Things happen and those in higher places known as authoritative figures twist the truth around with the cold, hard facts yet to be revealed.
My mind remains in a state of dismay and my body has layed in bed, comatose yet with worry. Worry for you, for them, for everyone.
What else can one say when things happen beyond another's immediate control? Nothing. I wish they would say nothing.
You will always be you, away from the portrait that has been painted, and dear to my heart.
I love you, and wish your fragile, brilliant mind some peace in dreams tonight, and forever.
Goodnight Love, sleep tight in sheer comfort knowing that the man above would never put us through anything we cannot handle or prosper through, and from.
Never.
<3
I've tried desperately to calm my tears and fears of the future in regards to what will come of it all, but I am simply stuck.
Many words, synonymous with anger and sadness, have rolled off of my tongue only to echo off my bedroom walls to a silent audience.
Things happen and those in higher places known as authoritative figures twist the truth around with the cold, hard facts yet to be revealed.
My mind remains in a state of dismay and my body has layed in bed, comatose yet with worry. Worry for you, for them, for everyone.
What else can one say when things happen beyond another's immediate control? Nothing. I wish they would say nothing.
You will always be you, away from the portrait that has been painted, and dear to my heart.
I love you, and wish your fragile, brilliant mind some peace in dreams tonight, and forever.
Goodnight Love, sleep tight in sheer comfort knowing that the man above would never put us through anything we cannot handle or prosper through, and from.
Never.
<3
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