Fear

I enjoyed our class discussion relating to Obama's Presidential win and the certain
propositions that were mentioned, especially prop 8.
Like Nadia stated in class, Why not ban divorce?
Those who voted yes want to ban Gay marriages to keep the constitution intact and
protect traditional marriage and though I understand, I do not agree. So being a child with two mothers or two fathers may screw you up in the long run, but having divorced parents wont?
Well, as a product of two dysfunctional parents, I can assure those who voted yes on 8, that divorce does more than enough harm.
I may not know much about politics, but I know enough to where I find myself extremely passionate about an aspect of it or relating to it.
Obama winning the election was no doubt History in the making, but what gets me is how all you hear about is "An African American has become president!", left and right. I am by no means hating on the notion of a minority being the president, I voted for him and I feel that he can help me in my dire need for medical insurance, and poor, independent student present state of being, but it just frustrates me because his father, who left him when he was 2, is the only lifeline that connected him to the amount of black blood running through his veins.
He was raised by his white grandparents, and people who are aware of it still only
emphasize excitement over the African American part of him not the white, and I wonder why?
I do not mean to offend anyone. I am not an ignorant being, I just dont understand why people who have the citizenship and the rights to call America their country, fear an African American in power when he is just as American as they are?
Why is this country so hell bent over allowing somebody of a different race to rule?
This country is made up of immigrants period, which fall into the category of "Minority" most often. You would think those who claim this country to be their own would understand the meaning of "Minority" after all. I mean, weren't they the ones who stole this country from the Native Americans?

Risk & Interpellation

So, a couple nights ago I spoke to my hard-core Republican aunt and our conversation
left me stunned, not only because I lent my voice on behalf of those who feel that Obama can help poor college students and those without any medical insurance way more than Mr. McCain can, but mostly because she made me feel like a complete idiot!
Going to CSUN with more than 40,000 dollars debt combined out of financial aid and
school loans (I went to school in Nevada where out of state tuition needs to be eradicated beyond belief!), I am struggling to hold down a job, get this piece of documentation called a Degree which is supposed to get me a job that my own intelligence without school cannot (We have all been conditioned to believe so) and
become something, only to stress much more, struggle to pay my debts off, and live in
some way, shape or form better than I could have without an education...
Correct me if I am wrong, but what sense does this make?
Ever since we were children we've been told that a mind is a terrible thing to waste, and that an education can get you all the riches your heart has ever desired.
Now I ask you, is this really true? How many people, whose parents do not pay for their tuition nor give them money to feed their material, emotional or physical hunger, truly get to relish in their ambitions really becoming part of their daily escapades? Taking risks, coming from a broken home with no monetary support from either parent is quite difficult, and pushing myself to be the best that I can be, is even more so difficult.
I am doing more than some kids without financial debt can attest to and I know that my education is something that in the long run CAN, though it is NOT GUARANTEED, get me somewhere good where the stress of life can go as easily as it can come, and yet I feel so tired, like I've lived a life of hard knocks and it shows.

Musicality

On Tuesdays discussion about Music, I had my hand up a few times but I was never called on, nevertheless here's my chance to tell you, Angelo, that I agree. When it comes to Hip Hop, it's a genre that I have loved to dance to since I was six-years old and my mother signed me up for dance classes. I see Hip Hop and Rap in many ways. I think of the mainstream videos with all the sex, Cristal, bling and fancy cars, and I can't stand it, but then I think of Run DMC and LL Cool J, please bear with me if I don't know all the popular artists nowadays since I grew up on Fleetwood Mac, Bob Dylan, Queen and Bruce Springsteen, and I see Hip Hop for what it meant to convey from the get go, a celebration of art and the influence of the Black community and how much their people, both emotionally and mentally, had to give, individually and collectively.I think of Kanye West, and not that I know so much about him, but he could use whatever hook, belonging to whoever he wants, and I, as an individual, would still be enamored by his lyrics, his mindset and the deep truthes that he speaks of.Every genre borrows something from someone else yet people in our society tend to pick on hip hop most often. Mr. Vanilla Ice made it big off of Queen and David Bowie's hook yet refused to admit it, and people forgot about it. Even though I love my Queen, I admit Vanilla's was catchy and it made him HUGE! Music will progress, and one person will always catch a flaw, like you said, and help spark some controversy. People need to pay attention to the lyrics, whether or not they speak to the masses rather than attacking the artist because of the obvious hook that was borrowed. Every genre uses repetition in this business, but that doesn't mean than an artist cannot strike original genius within their capability to make music. I remember when I was 13 and P. Diddy, or whatever his name is today, borrowed The Police's hook from "Every Breath You Take" and I ask anyone reading this...Did anyone in the business, or in his fan base say anything or object to the fact that he had used repetition? Obviously not, he still had a hit and made bank.

Movies & The Concept of Art

I agree completely with many of my classmates that propose art as being a form of beautiful expression through writing, music, and acting, and whose to say what is art itself, and what is not art? though, when it comes to the topic of movies being art, my opinion differs with many. Movies began as a manifestation of ones artistic expression within the Silent Era, and I agree that as technology advanced and many modes of filming, videotaping and photography came to be, movies, television and model magazine covers, became replicas of something that left its audiences floored decades beforehand, but in my opinion, there are movies that will always radiate as beautiful renditions of art, and reside away from the sterotype of "Movies being of entertainment value and nothing remotely close to an artistic endeavor", in relation to the realm that the act of creating art was once known as.I think of movies like Philadelphia, Mask (Cher/Eric Stoltz not Jim Carrey), Steel Magnolias, Shawshank Redemption, Schindler's List and Stand By me, and no matter how cheesy some of them may seem to my classmates or anyone else for that matter, these movies have instilled something within me that has led me to strive in my artistic capabilties, and to pursue my creative endeavors. Movies that strike something within someone, something that is worthy enough, minutely or enormously profound, to bring about a coping mechanism for life are undeniably art. These characters and their essential subsistence as mere mortals have mastered a beautful work of art that has brought moments of piece into my enduring battles in life, and for me that is what the notion of Art, as I stated above is founded upon, and I can argue so for the rest of my life.

Eugenics

What thought has not crossed my mind on the topic of Eugenics and the picture perfect
qualities of Jude Law's character in Gattaca? Nothing.
Regardless of all his great attributes, he still came in second. No one ever wants to be
second best and to realize that even in a perfect society, where all diseases could come
to a hault way before the night of your conception, the thought of becoming second best
can still make you or break you. Personally, there are many times and many things that
have hindered me on my path to success, and if one day in the future, something exists
to eradicate the possibilities of my mother's breast cancer, my father's heart disease, my
aunt's bi-polar disorder, or my own chronic depression from deeply robbing my child's
shot at an extraordinary life from him or her, I would not hesitate to advocate on its
behalf.

1984

"My novel 1984 is not intended as an attack on socialism, or on the British Labor Party, but as a show-up of the perversions to which a centralized economy is liable. . . I do not believe that the kind of society I describe necessarily will arrive, but I believe that something resembling it could arrive." George Orwell covered the idea of totalitarianism, along with addressing the thought that perhaps in the future the ability to corrupt ones psychological mindset with certain regulations may be quite affluent, yet on the flip side he had clearly illustrated the concept that perchance this future system may be more harmful rather than helpful. I have read in the past that Orwell was profoundly concerned by the general cruelties and oppressions that he saw well heeled in many communist countries. Orwell was concerned by the role of technology in enabling oppressive governments to monitor and control their citizens. “A reactionary society can force people to do many things which are against their social and physical interests and which may cause them acute discomfort and pain; but I doubt that it can break down the fundamental physiological distinction between pleasure and pain." By reading Howe’s piece and his quote, I am reminded by how I see the terms of Psychological usage in Orwell’s piece mirroring the ways of our American society nowadays. It is a thought that may not be paid much attention to, but to think of how much security has been enforced and changed throughout the years, due to the events of September 11, 2001 and just the new found desire to be safe in general since then, is fairly astonishing. You cannot walk into any grocery store, department store, and liquor store, without being watched. Are these just precautions to serve protection for those rich business owners, or to protect us all, the affluently rich Americans and the severely poor minorities from harms way? Hard curveballs are thrown into people’s daily lives, but I do not agree with Howe in that he doubts that a reactionary society can break down the fundamental, physiological distinction between pleasure and pain. No matter how brainwashed or forced to conform one becomes, one can never lose the ability to distinguish pleasure from pain. I simply refuse to believe so. In addition to Orwell having pondered upon what difficulties the future had in store for any society, I also believe that the media controls every source of information that we, the people of a nation, are being given. The news coverage is all we have to go about, and to decipher the truth about something massive, as did the party in 1984. They controlled every piece of information, and rewrote history to their own liking. We believe what we are conditioned to believe in our world today, but whose to say what is true and what is false, and whether or not the stories we are being led to believe are completely accurate or not. The media controls our society and our thoughts if we continuously let them in to do so, and in turn they will continue to control our pasts, as did the party in Orwell’s 1984.

A Saturday Telephone Conversation: Spring 2006

Nye Hall: University of Nevada, Reno


I look out the window facing Argenta hall...
The sun shining on my face along with the notion of the world being wide-awake is all I feel.I spoke to him today.
He feels my pain, and I miss times like this so dearly.
I see the confusion in his eyes so clearly.
He begs me not to cry..."I'll get mad", he says.
He rules with an iron fist, and that is all I remember. I preach and pour my angst out to him.
"I'm a good kid. Do you trust that?”
He says, "Of course, I always have."
Oh how I miss his 41 year old soul...I see it less and less frequently, and it's the times where I am honored with his rare presence that I feel composed.
I'm not going to make it here...I don’t feel any serenity. Nobody interesting, nothing fulfilling.... just fakeness.
He says to me..."Maybe it's you who needs to change."
I know, and I've been dealt with the same predicament since he left when I was almost of legal age.
I know I need to be different, but I just don’t know how and where to start.
I'm so fucked up, and it's all the fault of the man who has the audacity to tell me to change.
I close my eyes, I see through the blinds of the shattered window of my broken home.
I see him walk into my room, that sweet summer day...a few days before I began the last year of torment in that hell hole that kept me captive for 4 fucking years of my misfortunate existence.
He sat on my bed...and as the tears fell down my face listening to "Drive" by my Ric Ocasek and the Cars, he said that he was done and that he couldn’t do it anymore... he left 2 days later.
"Let go your heart, let go your head"...He has forever left me repeatedly, and when shit gets hard I still run to him, but I cant anymore...but nothing, not even my intense hatred will make me stop doing so.
"Please forgive me, cause I know not what I do...Like a stone I fall in your eyes, deep into that mystery. I get half a mile to scream out loud, I get half a mile to die."
That cold, harsh fall has been every tomorrow that's turned into the past.
Aba, ani metta alechah...
The past is away from my sight, but forever in the cold, dead spirit that I have become.
Thank you for nothing....
It’s everything that's made me into the pale little girl with the I.V in her arm that you left out to rot.
and I still love you.