8.10.09

Epiphanies strike all too sudden sometimes, like impending jealousy when you’ve lived your entire life as “the skinny one” without ever becoming prone to weight consciousness. I had a moment tonight where I realized on the ugly 101 heading towards that picturesque town; the city belonging to studios, that my life’s utter sadness does not depend, and has not depended, upon the miniscule contact with a circle of lessened friends that I have acquired throughout the years after I left that hell hole, which kept me captive for four years of my latter adolescence, but that it depends upon the bitter sweetness that defines itself as sheer melancholy and tactless yet entirely consecrated inner loneliness. It’s 12:41 in the morning, and I could have sworn it was 12:17 but two simple minutes ago. Where does the time go? Where has my life gone? I am but twenty-five years old, and I am simply aging away from adulthood and its validity, insidious and tiresome, slipping through some Casanova’s fatherly fingers.